The Difference Between External and Internal Validation - The Effect on Couple's Relationships
Validation, in the form of both external and internal feedback, can have a huge effect on couples' relationships. Understanding why validation is so important when it comes to fostering trust, intimacy and communication between couples can help them build strong and healthy connections with each other.
What is external validation?
External validation is the form of feedback that others give us based on their perspective. It includes verbal affirmation such as compliments, hugs, and saying “I love you”, as well as non-verbal cues like nodding or smiling. Couples can use external validation to show appreciation and give positive reinforcement to each other. It is important to remember that external validation may be less beneficial if it is not genuine or sincere.
What is internal validation?
Internal validation is the form of feedback that each partner gives themselves. It involves examining and validating one’s own emotions, thoughts, and behavior in an honest and non-judgmental way. By doing this, partners can better understand what drives their interactions with each other and work together to strengthen the relationship. Doing inner work such as daily meditations and journaling can be helpful for increasing self-awareness and building internal validation skills.
How does external validation affect relationships?
External validation can be a tricky concept to grasp. It is essentially the approval or acknowledgement of another person, and it often ends up playing an outsized role in relationships. This can become a problem if you’re in a relationship where one partner constantly craves approval and validation from the outside rather than within the couple. This could lead to an imbalance in the relationship which causes resentment, leading to tension and conflict. Therefore, it's essential for couples to recognize the importance of both internal and external validation when seeking out healthy relationships.
How does internal validation affect relationships?
Internal validation within relationships is all about feeling secure and accepted without needing approval from outside sources. This can be achieved through building a sense of trust and understanding through open communication between partners. Mutual respect, mutual autonomy, and unconditional love are some of the most important aspects when pursuing internal validation in relationships. It ensures that couples feel safe to be open and honest with one another while resolving conflicts without fear of judgement or criticism.
How can couples use external and internal validations in their relationship for a healthy connection?
Couples can use both types of validations to create a healthy connection. External validation is helpful in providing reassurance and compliments that make couples feel appreciated and valued in the relationship. At the same time, couples should strive for internal validation as well. Learning how to trust your partner, building self-confidence within yourself without needing external approval, and understanding that each other's feelings matter are all essential when it comes to pursuing internal validation in relationships. Together, external and internal validations can play an important role in navigating difficult conversations, creating a space of mutual respect, and developing a deep connection with one another.
If your relationship is struggling with validation and communication issues, schedule a free consultation with licensed Plano, Texas therapist Dr. Lori Runge today. Dr. Runge has helped countless couples overcome communication and validation problems and can help set your relationship on the right track.
