When the Holidays Trigger Anxiety: A Therapist's Guide to Surviving (and Maybe Even Enjoying) the Season

You're sitting at your desk in your Frisco office, staring at your calendar. Between now and January 2nd, you're expected to: host a holiday party, attend six work events, buy gifts for 23 people, coordinate travel to see family, maintain your usual work performance, plan elaborate meals, send holiday cards, decorate your home, volunteer for charitable causes, and somehow radiate joy and gratitude through it all.

Your chest tightens. Your to-do list grows longer. The voice in your head whispers that you're already behind, already failing at something you "should" be enjoying.

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone—and you're not broken.

The Holiday Paradox: Why "The Most Wonderful Time of Year" Feels Overwhelming

In my work as a therapist in McKinney, I see a predictable pattern every November and December. Successful, capable individuals—executives, entrepreneurs, medical professionals, and high-achievers—walk into my office feeling exhausted, anxious, and guilty about dreading the holidays.

They say things like:

• "I know I should be grateful, but I just feel stressed."

• "Everyone else seems to love this time of year. What's wrong with me?"

• "I can't keep up with all the expectations."

• "I'm so busy trying to create the 'perfect' holiday that I'm not enjoying any of it."

Here's what I tell them: There's nothing wrong with you. The holidays aren't designed for modern life, and they certainly aren't designed for high-achieving professionals who already run on full capacity.

Why the Holidays Trigger Anxiety and Stress

1. The Expectation Overload

Our culture has created an impossible standard for the holidays. We're supposed to:

• Be endlessly cheerful and grateful

• Create magical memories for everyone

• Maintain perfect work performance despite numerous distractions

• Spend quality time with family (even difficult family)

• Give thoughtful, personal gifts to dozens of people

• Prepare elaborate meals and host beautiful gatherings

• Stay within budget while being generous

• Take care of ourselves (but also prioritize everyone else)

For high-achievers who already hold themselves to impossibly high standards, the holidays add another layer of pressure to an already full plate. The result? Chronic stress, anxiety, and the exhausting effort of trying to do everything perfectly.

2. The Performance Pressure

If you're someone who excels in your professional life, you likely approach the holidays the same way you approach work: as a project to manage, optimize, and execute flawlessly. But unlike work, where you have systems, boundaries, and defined success metrics, the holidays are ambiguous, emotional, and subject to everyone else's expectations.

You can't "win" at the holidays the way you win at work. And for high-achievers, that lack of control can trigger significant anxiety.

3. The Family of Origin Factor

The holidays have a unique way of activating old family patterns and wounds. When you return to your childhood home—or host family members who knew you as a child—you may find yourself slipping into old roles:

• The responsible one who takes care of everything

• The peacekeeper who manages everyone's emotions

• The achiever who must prove their worth

• The invisible one who gets overlooked

• The scapegoat who gets blamed when things go wrong

These patterns were established long ago, often as survival strategies in your family of origin. During the holidays, when family dynamics intensify, these old patterns can resurface with surprising force, leaving you feeling like a child again rather than the capable adult you are.

4. The Grief and Loss Underneath

The holidays can magnify loss—of loved ones who are no longer here, of relationships that have ended, of the family you wish you had, or of the person you thought you'd be by now. While everyone around you seems to be celebrating, you may be quietly grieving.

For many of my clients in North Texas, this is their first holiday season after a major loss or life transition: a divorce, a parent's death, an empty nest, a career change, or a move to the DFW area away from longtime friends and family. The cultural message that "this is the happiest time of year" can make grief feel even more isolating.

5. The Exhaustion of Maintaining the Image

If you're a high-achieving professional, you've likely built an identity around being capable, successful, and "having it together." The holidays require you to maintain that image in multiple contexts—work parties, family gatherings, neighborhood events—often while you're running on empty.

The mental and emotional labor of appearing joyful, grateful, and engaged when you're actually stressed, overwhelmed, or sad is exhausting. You're performing constantly, and there's rarely a safe space to let the mask drop.

The 60,000 Thoughts Running Through Your Mind

Did you know that you have between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts racing through your mind daily, and 95% of those thoughts are the same thoughts you had yesterday? During the holidays, many of those repetitive thoughts become particularly harsh:

• "I'm not doing enough."

• "Everyone else has it figured out."

• "I should be enjoying this."

• "I'm disappointing people."

• "I'm failing at the holidays."

• "Something's wrong with me."

These thoughts aren't facts—they're patterns. And once you have awareness of these thought patterns, you have the FREEDOM to choose how to respond to them. You can acknowledge them, accept them, or disregard them. The mind no longer has control—YOU do.

Mindfulness Strategies for Managing Holiday Anxiety

In my McKinney practice, I help clients develop mindfulness-based tools to navigate holiday stress without sacrificing their wellbeing. Here are some strategies that can help:

1. Practice Awareness Without Judgment

The first step is simply noticing what you're experiencing—physically, emotionally, and mentally—without labeling it as "good" or "bad."

Try this: Set a timer on your phone three times a day during the holiday season. When it goes off, pause and ask yourself:

• What am I feeling in my body right now?

• What emotions are present?

• What thoughts are running through my mind?

Simply observe without trying to change anything. This creates space between you and your experience, giving you choice about how to respond rather than automatically reacting.

2. Distinguish Between "Doing" and "Being"

High-achievers are often stuck in "doing" mode—constantly working toward the next task, goal, or achievement. The holidays amplify this with endless to-do lists.

But you can STOP ruminating and begin a new way of BEING in your life rather than DOING your life. Your productivity, energy, and creativity will expand exponentially once you choose to let go of DOING and start BEING.

Try this: Choose one holiday activity where you commit to simply being present rather than checking it off a list. Maybe it's decorating the tree, baking cookies, or walking through a neighborhood looking at lights. Put your phone away, slow down, and actually be there.

3. Set Boundaries That Honor Your Needs

You don't have to attend every event, accept every invitation, or meet every expectation. Boundaries aren't selfish—they're essential for protecting your mental health and energy.

Try this: Before saying "yes" to any holiday commitment, pause and ask:

• Do I actually want to do this, or do I feel obligated?

• Do I have the emotional and physical capacity for this?

• What would I need to say "no" to if I say "yes" to this?

Practice saying, "That sounds lovely, but I'm not able to commit to that this year," without over-explaining or apologizing.

4. Release the Need for Perfection

The "perfect" holiday doesn't exist. The attempt to create it guarantees stress, disappointment, and exhaustion.

Try this: Identify one area where you can intentionally lower your standards. Maybe the gifts are practical rather than perfectly curated. Maybe you order some dishes for the holiday meal instead of cooking everything from scratch. Maybe your decorations are simpler this year.

Notice the stories your inner critic tells you about this, and practice responding with self-compassion: "Good enough is actually good enough."

5. Create Space for Difficult Emotions

You don't have to be joyful all the time. Sadness, grief, frustration, anxiety, and exhaustion are all valid experiences during the holidays.

Try this: Give yourself permission to feel whatever you're feeling. Create small pockets of time where you don't have to perform or pretend—maybe a morning walk alone, a therapy session, or even 10 minutes in your car before going into a holiday gathering. Let yourself be exactly where you are emotionally.

6. Reconnect with What Actually Matters to You

Underneath all the cultural noise about what the holidays "should" be, what actually matters to you? What would make this season meaningful rather than just exhausting?

Try this: Complete this sentence: "This holiday season, I want to feel __________." (Connected? Peaceful? Present? Joyful in small moments?)

Then design your holidays around that feeling rather than around expectations. Say yes to what supports that feeling and no to what doesn't.

When Holiday Stress Signals Something Deeper

Sometimes, holiday anxiety isn't just about the season—it's revealing something deeper that's been there all along. You might notice:

• Constant overwhelm that doesn't go away even when your to-do list is manageable

• Anxiety that interferes with your ability to be present or enjoy anything

• Difficulty setting boundaries because you feel responsible for everyone else's emotions

• People-pleasing patterns that leave you exhausted and resentful

• Perfectionism that makes everything feel like a test you're failing

• Persistent guilt or shame about not being enough

• Physical symptoms like insomnia, digestive issues, or tension headaches

• A sense of emptiness despite outward success and achievement

If these patterns sound familiar, individual therapy can help you understand where they come from and develop new ways of relating to yourself and your experiences.

How Individual Therapy Helps with Holiday Anxiety (and Beyond)

In therapy, we don't just develop coping strategies for getting through the holidays—we address the underlying patterns that make this time of year so difficult.

Through mindfulness-based individual therapy in my McKinney practice, we explore:

• Your family of origin patterns and how they show up during the holidays

• Your relationship with perfectionism and achievement

• The inner critic that tells you you're not doing enough

• Your boundaries (or lack thereof) and how to strengthen them

• Your capacity to be present rather than constantly doing

• The stories you tell yourself about who you should be and what you should accomplish

• Your relationship with difficult emotions like anxiety, grief, or disappointment

The goal isn't to make you "better at the holidays." The goal is to help you develop awareness, self-compassion, and the skills to live a life that feels authentic and fulfilling—not just during the holidays, but all year round.

You Deserve to Live Your Best Life NOW

You deserve to live your best life NOW—not after the holidays, not when things calm down, not when you've checked everything off your list. Right now, in this very moment, you have the opportunity to choose presence over performance, being over doing, and self-compassion over self-criticism.

The holidays don't have to be a test you pass or fail. They can be simply what they are: a season that brings up complicated feelings, old patterns, and new opportunities for awareness and growth.

Finding Support in North Texas

If you're ready to explore how individual therapy can help you navigate holiday anxiety, perfectionism, or the deeper patterns that make this season difficult, I'm here to support you.

As a licensed marriage and family therapist in McKinney, Texas, I work with individuals throughout North Texas—including Frisco, Plano, Prosper, and the greater Dallas-Fort Worth area—who are ready to stop answering to old patterns and start living with intention, presence, and peace.

My approach is grounded in mindfulness and focuses on helping you develop awareness of your thoughts, emotions, and patterns so you can choose how you want to respond rather than reacting automatically.

You don't have to struggle through the holidays alone. And you don't have to wait until January to start feeling better.

Can you remember the last time you felt at peace with yourself and the world around you?

That peace is available to you—not despite the holidays, but right in the middle of them.

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Dr. Lori Runge, PhD, LMFT
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Serving McKinney, Frisco, Plano, and North Texas

Schedule your confidential consultation today and discover how mindfulness-based individual therapy can help you navigate the holidays (and life) with greater ease and authenticity.